Who thought this was a good idea?
I'm not qualified to assist
See: my husband card says nothing about this
I've memorized Home Depot aisles
And the corner of the radiator
I can build you things you won't believe
But I'll never understand this recipe

Never been so helpless

You make peppermint scones and bring home
Jars of mascarpone
Leave me here alone and I'll find kitchenette distress
Instead of a meal

You're drawing parallels to Picasso
Cause it was Spanish and it looks
Like I dropped some acid then I tried to cook
Honey, I have tried before
Remember Janet's Chopped-theme birthday?
Our team lost because I thought that
The cumin was the worchestershire sauce

Can't you tell I struggle?

You make blueberry scones and bring home
Jars of mascarpone
Leave me here alone and I'll make a something-esque big mess instead of a meal

My hands are homesick with a whisk
How is it that this can be so hard?
I was really hoping that I could impress ya
But now I can see I'm no Barefoot Contessa
You've left me with instructions for some tiramisu
Honey, I'm enthusiastic but I'm no you...

Come home find me slumped on the floor In a puddle of some sad condiments
On tiles littered with pasta sauce cat prints
I tried to call Janet, she didn't pick up
The internet just mocked my lack of forethought
And I think I broke your Kitchenaid appliance
How do you control this dismal science?

You bent down and whispered

Those aren't peppermint scones, it's ---- dough
That's not mascarpone
I left you alone and I found a something-esque big mess
Kitchenette distress
I left you alone and I found a sweetheart husband who'll always try his best